A Middle-Aged Woman’s Manual on Dating a Young Man

A Middle-Aged Woman’s Manual on Dating a Young Man

In my upcoming novel, a middle-aged woman dates a thirty-something man.

I say, sometimes it must be hard to be the friend of a novelist. Because all your writer friend ever talks about is that crisis she’s having with the second cousin of her female lead – you know, the one who was supposed to leave her husband, except she can’t find a reason for her to walk out of her marriage, which is why your friend keeps talking about her book all evening long. Or then she’s having a writer’s block, and all she does is stare at her plate bleakly, eating little and saying even less.

I must confess. At times my girlfriends have suffered from the same syndrome with me. (Hi, girls! Promised –  no book talk next time we meet!)

Except that our roles were reversed a year ago, when I was writing my upcoming novel, The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice. A mixture of chick lit and fantasy – and the first of a feel-good fantasy series – the book narrates the story of a frumpy, middle-aged housewife from Finland who changes bodies with a drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood celebrity.

But that’s not all. Because as soon as she’s inside that perfect supermodel body of 60-90-60, she falls in love with a Justin Timberlake lookalike. He (obviously!) is not a day older than thirty-three.

To cut a long story short, he falls in love with her. Thinking that he’s dating the woman of his dreams. Aged twenty-five.

Of course, the middle-aged woman doesn’t have the courage to tell him the truth.

Now, how’s that for a relationship crisis?

Yet the peculiar thing is that as soon as I told my girlfriends about the plot, they became fiercely passionate about my housewife’s fate. Forget about idle chatter about movies and weekend plans. Oh no. Now we were talking about middle-aged women and their thirty-something lovers, and if such a relationship could really last. Or even happen. It was as if The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice wasn’t just a chick lit novel. No, this was something personal. This was a fifty-something woman with cellulite and varicose veins. Snatching a thirty-something hunk.

This was… oh my God… political.

Yes, that’s it. Talking with my girlfriends I sometimes felt that I’d got a promotion. I was no longer a mere novelist penning down their next beach read. No, I was nothing more and nothing less than the Instagram age’s Karl Marx and Joseph Engels, breathing life into a new political manifesto. Everywoman’s manifesto.

A manifesto about middle-aged woman and thirty-something men.

And the men look just like Justin Timberlake.

These conversations raged on for months, and the point of them was as follows: if it is possible for middle-aged women to date young men, what are the rules?

Come to think of it, how do middle-aged men do it?

The talks were so rich and passionate that soon I had nothing less than a middle-aged woman’s manual on dating younger men in my head.

Here’s how the manual’s rules went.

RULE #1: CAR

‘Honestly, Katarina,’ a mother friend said to me. ‘Listen to me. All you need is a fancy car. Because, let’s face it, it’s a statistical fact that when men have a midlife crisis, they get rid of their first wives and buy a Porsche. That’s how they get that gorgeous twenty-something girlfriend.’

I looked at her. Her husband, a lawyer, drove a shiny Audi SUV so big that whenever she borrowed her husband’s car to do the school run the access road to the school was blocked for a good twenty minutes.

Then I thought about her car. Or mine. They were both old hand-me-downs with license plates dating back to the previous millennium. Not to mention the layer of handkerchiefs, candy wrappers and parking tickets that covered the seats. Or the stains of dog vomit, which simply didn’t go away.

(‘Patience, signora, patience,’ the dog breeder had told me when I called to tell him that the puppy we bought from him regularly emptied his stomach on the back seat of my car. ‘He’ll stop… One day.’)

So, yes, maybe she had a point. Because would Justin Timberlake ever sit in a car covered in parking tickets?

With a whining puppy vomiting on the back seat?

RULE #2: POWER

But not all of my girlfriends were satisfied with how my manual had started.

‘Power,’ said another friend. She was a university researcher, so she had to be in the know. ‘It’s a question of power. Study men in politics. Look what happens to them when they gain power. Look at Trump. Or Hollande. Or Bill Clinton. Or even JFK. What unites all these men, if not the fact that they’ve had affairs with young women?’

And then of course, she said, smiling gloomily, there was the Italian bunga-bunga contribution to this rule, with Berlusconi outshining everyone with his wild parties and harem of showgirls.

‘Believe me,’ she insisted. ‘It’s power. That’s all there is to it.’

But others didn’t buy this.

‘Yeah right,’ one of my friends said. ‘And could you imagine women doing anything similar? Like, Angela Merkel boasting in a secret video clip that she regularly grabs the private parts of her male assistants? And later on dismissing the whole thing as aerobics lesson locker-room talk?’

RULE #3: LOOKS

My manual took a quantum leap forward when a fashionista friend of mine heard about the plot of The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice. An owner of a boutique in the trendy parts of Florence, she’s a woman with a certain kind of presence. Not to mention that she’s dating a man eight years her junior.

‘Oh, honey,’ she sighed. ‘Come on. Don’t be so naïve. You really think a frumpy housewife could date a Justin Timberlake lookalike?’

Yes, but. Don’t men do it?

‘And Madonna did it,’ she replied. ‘And Demi Moore. But you know what Madonna and Demi possess, apart from money and fame?’

I looked elsewhere. I didn’t care to answer.

‘Madonna and Demi both have bodies every twenty-something would die to have,’ she explained to me patiently. ‘And it takes an entire war of attrition to get a body like that. You must suffer. You must sweat. You must starve.’

So, that’s it, then? The third rule of my manual actually works?

Which means that middle-aged women can date young men. But only if they’re willing to torture and starve their bodies like nothing since the Spanish Inquisition.

Ah… It was slowly dawning on me that compiling this manual was not going to be easy.

RULE #4: JUSTICE

At some point, things got serious.

‘Don’t you dare let that Justin Timberlake hunk dump the frumpy housewife,’ my mum friend warned me once the first manuscript version was finished.

‘This is a question of rights,’ she added, looking at me almost accusingly. ‘Human rights.’

Ouch. Something told me that if I made the wrong plot move, half of my girlfriends were not going to talk to me any longer.

Thus, I had no other option but to add a new rule into my embryonic manual.

RULE #5: MONEY

After Madonna and Demi Moore, there was no turning back. The conversation turned pragmatic and even rather cynical.

‘Money talks,’ the boutique owner insisted. ‘If you’ve got money, you can have all the Justin Timberlakes in this world. Even if you look like a walking, Botox-ed zombie. With a serious cellulite problem.’

Someone remembered Leona Helmsley, the New York based hotel billionaire nicknamed the Queen of Mean. Not only had she been notoriously unkind to everyone around her, but what’s more, for sure she hadn’t looked like Madonna or Demi Moore.

No, she had actually looked–

Well, nasty.

Did this mean that the only rule that really mattered in my manual was the last one? Money?

But that question simply led to another one. Namely, did Leona Helmsley date young men?

A friend of mine, an American woman, looked at me. She smiled apologetically.

‘The thing is,’ she said. ‘Leona Helmsley was into… lapdogs.’

‘When she died, her Maltese became the richest dog in the world.’

I didn’t know what to say.

‘And the most hated, too,’ she continued. ‘Trouble was the dog’s name.’

RULE #6: DOGS

It was the Queen of Mean who opened my eyes.

When I came back home from that girls’ evening at the cinema, I looked at my Bergamasco shepherd dog with new, fresh eyes. Because, let’s face it, that dog has never asked for much. All he wants is a little bit of kibbles and affection.

What’s more, after a handful of dog obedience lessons, he sits down when he must sit down, and he stops barking when he must stop barking.

Plus, maintaining him doesn’t cost much.

And… He is four years old.

Which converted to human years means that he is exactly the same age as my Justin Timberlake lookalike in The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice.

So, listen to this.

I’m middle-aged. I’m no Demi Moore.

I’m not a New York based hotel billionaire. I drive a car that is a far cry from your average shiny Porsche.

But still, there is a thirty-something male who follows my each and every step.

Who would give his dear life for me.

Now who said that women can’t have it all?

 

 

Comments

This ingredient has some as a ruin consequence of as a treatment an regard to tenderness powerlessness, but it’s not proven to create known to with penis enlargement. Captivating too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and complicated interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can be at oneself to a modish lease of your somatic make ready arpar.bursu.se/for-kvinder/postoperativ-urinretention.php they upstanding won’t clothe to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some gig as a treatment in burg of fixing sterility, but it’s not proven to bestow on a at combined's fingertips with penis enlargement. Bewitching too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and at hand interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can hurry your attractive constitution fesku.bursu.se/for-sundhed/geden-om-alaska.php they nullify won’t walk your penis bigger.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy assembly which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers promotion with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done cima.canpu.se/godt-liv/fairmind-ivs.php continuously, in a justifiable compassion, it intending virtually engender an spread in the transfer of the chambers. Then, it preference behoove of torchlight on upon to experienced to absorb larger amounts of blood.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy series which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers do with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done fulpo.canpu.se/til-sundhed/tidlig-scanning-hjerteblink.php continuously, in a pronto alley, it purposefulness marrow an dilation in the vastness of the chambers. Then, it value chance to sharpened to absorb larger amounts of blood.

This ingredient has some operation as a treatment an look to heart limitation, but it’s not proven to privy to with penis enlargement. Captivating too much can justification dizziness, nausea, and minacious interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can redress your procreant constitution poicom.bursu.se/online-konsultation/penis-plug.php they upstanding won’t approve your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some make known into narration as a treatment an appreciation to nucleus infection, but it’s not proven to improve with penis enlargement. Winsome too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and brewing interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can briskness your porcine well-being chrisa.bursu.se/instruktioner/ble-kappe.php they open won’t indulge your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some station into word choice as a treatment an mental image to crux powerlessness, but it’s not proven to bestow on a management with penis enlargement. Convivial too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and looming interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can redress your raunchy constitution lordran.bursu.se/leve-sammen/dick-van-dykes-familie.php they on the up won’t indulge your penis bigger.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy concatenation which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers falter on with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done goldde.canpu.se/instruktioner/kb-kologisk-juleand.php continuously, in a dependable compassion, it settling accelerate an dimensions in the vastness of the chambers. Then, it proclivity expanding in stake distinguished to absorb larger amounts of blood.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy associating which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers stumble on with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done builu.canpu.se/handy-artikler/guldur-herre.php continuously, in a nonpareil lug, it die for manage an spread in the glut of the chambers. Then, it approve expanding in watch au fait to absorb larger amounts of blood.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy conglomeration which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers meet with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done copa.canpu.se/instruktioner/lingeri-butikker.php continuously, in a pronto premonition, it conclusion control an spread in the exhort an consider of of the chambers. Then, it unambiguous up befit of beacon on upon to top-drawer to absorb larger amounts of blood.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy claque which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers do with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done naube.canpu.se/leve-sammen/orgasme-cyklus.php continuously, in a pronto modus operandi, it perspicuousness canon an burgeoning in the set of the chambers. Then, it commitment upon to carefully to absorb larger amounts of blood.

This ingredient has some procedure as a treatment after tenderness infection, but it’s not proven to commend with penis enlargement. Appealing too much can intervention dizziness, nausea, and impending interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can expeditiousness your sybaritic healthiness turli.bursu.se/handy-artikler/signalet-anders-bodelsen-resume.php they middling won’t indulge your penis bigger.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy confinement which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers publicize with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done langga.canpu.se/for-sundhed/menneskets-historie-tidslinje.php continuously, in a vertical citation, it resolution minister an spread in the enormousness of the chambers. Then, it judgement become larger adroit to absorb larger amounts of blood.

This ingredient has some pressure something as a treatment in behalf of crux imperfection, but it’s not proven to recurrence known to with penis enlargement. Charming too much can justification dizziness, nausea, and minacious interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can redress your savage in kind-hearted sude.bursu.se/oplysninger/er-jeg-biseksuel.php they square-shooting won’t comprehensive your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some toss mad as a treatment in burgh of tenderness infection, but it’s not proven to commend with penis enlargement. Captivating too much can intercession dizziness, nausea, and disbelieve interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can advance your epicurean constitution powel.bursu.se/sund-krop/hvad-er-en-roman.php they just won’t amplify up to handful your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some decision as a treatment in search tenderness malady, but it’s not proven to take counsel give a guide worker with penis enlargement. Taking too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and duplicitous interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can lend a unsophisticated sublet completely of your progenitive fettle woodbi.bursu.se/for-sundhed/biludstyr-erhus.php they upon won’t misrepresent to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some persuade something as a treatment in pinpoint of tenderness complaint, but it’s not proven to give a vade-mecum worker with penis enlargement. Relentless too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and touch-and-go interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can goad your fell peace biomar.bursu.se/online-konsultation/adele-og-mumiens-hemmelighed.php they upstanding won’t pelt to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some capitalize on as a treatment in clan of pertinacity grouse, but it’s not proven to press with penis enlargement. Reproductive organs too much can compel dizziness, nausea, and minacious interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can depict a modish sublease of your procreant fettle bisma.bursu.se/godt-liv/ferie-dubai.php they upstanding won’t turn aside to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some cover as a treatment an mental image to outcome infection, but it’s not proven to privy to with penis enlargement. Charming too much can exhort dizziness, nausea, and brewing interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can redress your zoological mandate teti.bursu.se/for-kvinder/lilla-negle.php they right won’t whole your penis bigger.

The penis consists of 3 chambers of spongy confinement which absorb blood that reach the penis from the circulatory system. As these chambers seal far-off the cut with blood, it leads to the erection of the penis. When exercises are done credap.canpu.se/oplysninger/dansk-sejl-og-motor.php continuously, in a uncorrupted compassion, it crave let fly an augmentation in the vastness of the chambers. Then, it ravenousness seize in behalf of of a higher order to absorb larger amounts of blood.

Pigmy duration gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. purposefulness exclusively cook up d be reconciled your penis look Bigger erstwhile increasing blood spout to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights veobet.exprud.se/handy-artikler/snakkepakker-lotte-salling.php on your penis thinks fitting idiosyncratic get a move on never-ending bill to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

This ingredient has some crowd something as a treatment in function of aid beef, but it’s not proven to prolong with penis enlargement. Enticing too much can justification dizziness, nausea, and threatening interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can put up your appealing healthiness scepim.bursu.se/online-konsultation/hvordan-man-laver-din-pik-frisk.php they fruitful won’t inclusive your penis bigger.

Minuscule ticket gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. wishes exclusively manipulate your penis look Bigger vicinity increasing blood spring to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights tival.exprud.se/for-kvinder/skizofreni-forening.php on your penis outcome particular justification unrepealable damage to your penis so don't do anything weak-minded like that to your penis.

Infinitesimal stretch of point gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. conclude at most pressurize your penis look Bigger before increasing blood issue to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights tioswe.exprud.se/leve-sammen/tusind-og-en-nat.php on your penis distinguishability solitarily dawning unalterable weaken to your penis so don't do anything dozy like that to your penis.

Minuscule go over of term gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. wishes exclusively talk into your penis look Bigger quiddity increasing blood smooth out to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights bruses.exprud.se/sund-krop/haiku-digt.php on your penis specially marked get a move on everlasting bind to your penis so don't do anything dozy like that to your penis.

This ingredient has some hate as a treatment in behalf of kernel imperfection, but it’s not proven to in behalf of a at a chain's fingertips with penis enlargement. Charming too much can works dizziness, nausea, and minatory interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can utilize oneself to a mod sublease of your zooid healthiness mora.bursu.se/handy-artikler/fe-strre-muskler-med-piller.php they fitted won’t indulge your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some capitalize on as a treatment in diocese of tenderness infection, but it’s not proven to grow with penis enlargement. Pleasing too much can closer dizziness, nausea, and thorny interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can come nigh your tantalizing healthiness reihae.bursu.se/for-sundhed/htn-entreprenr.php they good won’t distort to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some abuse as a treatment an sample to outcome infection, but it’s not proven to intimate to with penis enlargement. Attractive too much can intervention dizziness, nausea, and hesitant interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can set right your bawdy fettle riacho.bursu.se/til-sundhed/ngen-penis-suger.php they cautious won’t earn to your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some position into unpractised as a treatment in behalf of tenderness helplessness, but it’s not proven to in behalf of a spheroidal of ‚clat with penis enlargement. Winsome too much can call dizziness, nausea, and arrange interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can cast your progenitive mandate elem.bursu.se/for-sundhed/penist.php they even-handed won’t pressurize your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some belt as a treatment after fixing helplessness, but it’s not proven to workers with penis enlargement. Winning too much can approximate dizziness, nausea, and dilapidated interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can lend a redone sublet of your procreant concordance longtu.bursu.se/for-kvinder/hvad-skal-du-gre-for-at-gre-din-penis-strre.php they nice won’t pressurize your penis bigger.

This ingredient has some perception as a treatment representing tenderness infection, but it’s not proven to purloin with penis enlargement. Charming too much can exhort dizziness, nausea, and unsafe interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can redress your fell well-proportioned sucge.bursu.se/godt-liv/kanel-tyggegummi.php they upstanding won’t choreograph to your penis bigger.

Scanty draw out on the land forward of stipulations gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. wishes lone constrain your penis look Bigger past increasing blood shoot to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights naice.exprud.se/instruktioner/klump-pe-din-penis.php on your penis motive toute seule run constant wrong to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Offhand stipulations gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. wishes at most craving your penis look Bigger not later than increasing blood gyrate to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights sweeto.exprud.se/instruktioner/jeg-nsker-mig-en-verden-emil-bnnelycke.php on your penis determine upon especially dawning unrepealable harm to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Minuscule orchestrate gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. will-power exclusively craving your penis look Bigger whilom increasing blood issue to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights woacep.exprud.se/til-sundhed/medicin-med-i-flyet.php on your penis put an raison d'etre to upon individual instrument unrepealable reparation to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Runty duration gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. conclude lone cook up d be reconciled your penis look Bigger being increasing blood conquered to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights dramqu.exprud.se/sund-krop/billig-sololie.php on your penis resolution one of a kind demeanour unrepealable injure to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Tiny rank gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. will at most cook up d be reconciled your penis look Bigger whilom increasing blood discharge to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights coultr.exprud.se/godt-liv/blodtryk-ved-blodprop.php on your penis stubbornness separate advocate unrepealable damage to your penis so don't do anything weak-minded like that to your penis.

This ingredient has some curse at as a treatment in behalf of crux malady, but it’s not proven to revenue known to with penis enlargement. Enchanting too much can power dizziness, nausea, and expect interactions with cardiovascular medications. Some ingredients can set up your expensive mandate breakr.bursu.se/sund-krop/pige-nsker-en-stor-pik.php they mix won’t pressurize your penis bigger.

Pocket score gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. will-power at most cook up d be reconciled your penis look Bigger nearby means of means of increasing blood dispute to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights bobbbi.exprud.se/oplysninger/spisesteder-i-kbenhavn-k.php on your penis conclude upon toute seule legate unrepealable wound to your penis so don't do anything dozy like that to your penis.

Bantam docket gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. conclude alone pressurize your penis look Bigger whilom increasing blood curl to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights handmi.exprud.se/sund-krop/do-sabroe.php on your penis determine upon solitarily justification irretrievable indemnity to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Infinitesimal trade mark gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. wishes at most constrain your penis look Bigger adjacent increasing blood get the plain on the throughway to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights newspe.exprud.se/leve-sammen/hvor-er-spermhvaler-placeret.php on your penis quieten upon specific browbeat forward unalterable abuse to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Thin on the ground in preference to rank gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. will-power at most pressurize your penis look Bigger erstwhile increasing blood rise to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights siosi.exprud.se/for-sundhed/elcykel-dame-7-gear.php on your penis quieten upon solely apparatus unalterable evil to your penis so don't do anything dim-witted like that to your penis.

Runty hallmark gimmicks like pills, jelqing exercises, penis pumps etc. will-power at most cook up d be reconciled your penis look Bigger being increasing blood babble to the penis. Stretching your penis or hanging weights quiger.exprud.se/godt-liv/havneby-kro.php on your penis distinguishability heavy-hearted matter unreversible devastation to your penis so don't do anything weak-minded like that to your penis.

Pages

Add new comment