A Middle-Aged Woman’s Manual on Dating a Young Man

A Middle-Aged Woman’s Manual on Dating a Young Man

In my upcoming novel, a middle-aged woman dates a thirty-something man.

I say, sometimes it must be hard to be the friend of a novelist. Because all your writer friend ever talks about is that crisis she’s having with the second cousin of her female lead – you know, the one who was supposed to leave her husband, except she can’t find a reason for her to walk out of her marriage, which is why your friend keeps talking about her book all evening long. Or then she’s having a writer’s block, and all she does is stare at her plate bleakly, eating little and saying even less.

I must confess. At times my girlfriends have suffered from the same syndrome with me. (Hi, girls! Promised –  no book talk next time we meet!)

Except that our roles were reversed a year ago, when I was writing my upcoming novel, The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice. A mixture of chick lit and fantasy – and the first of a feel-good fantasy series – the book narrates the story of a frumpy, middle-aged housewife from Finland who changes bodies with a drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood celebrity.

But that’s not all. Because as soon as she’s inside that perfect supermodel body of 60-90-60, she falls in love with a Justin Timberlake lookalike. He (obviously!) is not a day older than thirty-three.

To cut a long story short, he falls in love with her. Thinking that he’s dating the woman of his dreams. Aged twenty-five.

Of course, the middle-aged woman doesn’t have the courage to tell him the truth.

Now, how’s that for a relationship crisis?

Yet the peculiar thing is that as soon as I told my girlfriends about the plot, they became fiercely passionate about my housewife’s fate. Forget about idle chatter about movies and weekend plans. Oh no. Now we were talking about middle-aged women and their thirty-something lovers, and if such a relationship could really last. Or even happen. It was as if The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice wasn’t just a chick lit novel. No, this was something personal. This was a fifty-something woman with cellulite and varicose veins. Snatching a thirty-something hunk.

This was… oh my God… political.

Yes, that’s it. Talking with my girlfriends I sometimes felt that I’d got a promotion. I was no longer a mere novelist penning down their next beach read. No, I was nothing more and nothing less than the Instagram age’s Karl Marx and Joseph Engels, breathing life into a new political manifesto. Everywoman’s manifesto.

A manifesto about middle-aged woman and thirty-something men.

And the men look just like Justin Timberlake.

These conversations raged on for months, and the point of them was as follows: if it is possible for middle-aged women to date young men, what are the rules?

Come to think of it, how do middle-aged men do it?

The talks were so rich and passionate that soon I had nothing less than a middle-aged woman’s manual on dating younger men in my head.

Here’s how the manual’s rules went.

RULE #1: CAR

‘Honestly, Katarina,’ a mother friend said to me. ‘Listen to me. All you need is a fancy car. Because, let’s face it, it’s a statistical fact that when men have a midlife crisis, they get rid of their first wives and buy a Porsche. That’s how they get that gorgeous twenty-something girlfriend.’

I looked at her. Her husband, a lawyer, drove a shiny Audi SUV so big that whenever she borrowed her husband’s car to do the school run the access road to the school was blocked for a good twenty minutes.

Then I thought about her car. Or mine. They were both old hand-me-downs with license plates dating back to the previous millennium. Not to mention the layer of handkerchiefs, candy wrappers and parking tickets that covered the seats. Or the stains of dog vomit, which simply didn’t go away.

(‘Patience, signora, patience,’ the dog breeder had told me when I called to tell him that the puppy we bought from him regularly emptied his stomach on the back seat of my car. ‘He’ll stop… One day.’)

So, yes, maybe she had a point. Because would Justin Timberlake ever sit in a car covered in parking tickets?

With a whining puppy vomiting on the back seat?

RULE #2: POWER

But not all of my girlfriends were satisfied with how my manual had started.

‘Power,’ said another friend. She was a university researcher, so she had to be in the know. ‘It’s a question of power. Study men in politics. Look what happens to them when they gain power. Look at Trump. Or Hollande. Or Bill Clinton. Or even JFK. What unites all these men, if not the fact that they’ve had affairs with young women?’

And then of course, she said, smiling gloomily, there was the Italian bunga-bunga contribution to this rule, with Berlusconi outshining everyone with his wild parties and harem of showgirls.

‘Believe me,’ she insisted. ‘It’s power. That’s all there is to it.’

But others didn’t buy this.

‘Yeah right,’ one of my friends said. ‘And could you imagine women doing anything similar? Like, Angela Merkel boasting in a secret video clip that she regularly grabs the private parts of her male assistants? And later on dismissing the whole thing as aerobics lesson locker-room talk?’

RULE #3: LOOKS

My manual took a quantum leap forward when a fashionista friend of mine heard about the plot of The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice. An owner of a boutique in the trendy parts of Florence, she’s a woman with a certain kind of presence. Not to mention that she’s dating a man eight years her junior.

‘Oh, honey,’ she sighed. ‘Come on. Don’t be so naïve. You really think a frumpy housewife could date a Justin Timberlake lookalike?’

Yes, but. Don’t men do it?

‘And Madonna did it,’ she replied. ‘And Demi Moore. But you know what Madonna and Demi possess, apart from money and fame?’

I looked elsewhere. I didn’t care to answer.

‘Madonna and Demi both have bodies every twenty-something would die to have,’ she explained to me patiently. ‘And it takes an entire war of attrition to get a body like that. You must suffer. You must sweat. You must starve.’

So, that’s it, then? The third rule of my manual actually works?

Which means that middle-aged women can date young men. But only if they’re willing to torture and starve their bodies like nothing since the Spanish Inquisition.

Ah… It was slowly dawning on me that compiling this manual was not going to be easy.

RULE #4: JUSTICE

At some point, things got serious.

‘Don’t you dare let that Justin Timberlake hunk dump the frumpy housewife,’ my mum friend warned me once the first manuscript version was finished.

‘This is a question of rights,’ she added, looking at me almost accusingly. ‘Human rights.’

Ouch. Something told me that if I made the wrong plot move, half of my girlfriends were not going to talk to me any longer.

Thus, I had no other option but to add a new rule into my embryonic manual.

RULE #5: MONEY

After Madonna and Demi Moore, there was no turning back. The conversation turned pragmatic and even rather cynical.

‘Money talks,’ the boutique owner insisted. ‘If you’ve got money, you can have all the Justin Timberlakes in this world. Even if you look like a walking, Botox-ed zombie. With a serious cellulite problem.’

Someone remembered Leona Helmsley, the New York based hotel billionaire nicknamed the Queen of Mean. Not only had she been notoriously unkind to everyone around her, but what’s more, for sure she hadn’t looked like Madonna or Demi Moore.

No, she had actually looked–

Well, nasty.

Did this mean that the only rule that really mattered in my manual was the last one? Money?

But that question simply led to another one. Namely, did Leona Helmsley date young men?

A friend of mine, an American woman, looked at me. She smiled apologetically.

‘The thing is,’ she said. ‘Leona Helmsley was into… lapdogs.’

‘When she died, her Maltese became the richest dog in the world.’

I didn’t know what to say.

‘And the most hated, too,’ she continued. ‘Trouble was the dog’s name.’

RULE #6: DOGS

It was the Queen of Mean who opened my eyes.

When I came back home from that girls’ evening at the cinema, I looked at my Bergamasco shepherd dog with new, fresh eyes. Because, let’s face it, that dog has never asked for much. All he wants is a little bit of kibbles and affection.

What’s more, after a handful of dog obedience lessons, he sits down when he must sit down, and he stops barking when he must stop barking.

Plus, maintaining him doesn’t cost much.

And… He is four years old.

Which converted to human years means that he is exactly the same age as my Justin Timberlake lookalike in The Thousand Tiny Miracles of Living Twice.

So, listen to this.

I’m middle-aged. I’m no Demi Moore.

I’m not a New York based hotel billionaire. I drive a car that is a far cry from your average shiny Porsche.

But still, there is a thirty-something male who follows my each and every step.

Who would give his dear life for me.

Now who said that women can’t have it all?

 

 

Comments

Any thickset foodstuffs is honest in the information of sex. How, there are undeniable items that are exclusively beneficial- Walnuts, strawberry, avocados, watermelons and almonds. One must note that cacodaemon rum is devilish in the behalf thritde.celle.se/sund-krop/det-matematiske-pendul.php a salubrious relations persistence - it increases the craving but decreases the performance.

on the acuteness of half of the men surveyed more than 50,000 people of both genders took by in the watchful of would like to let in a larger penis. Patois mayhap unsurprisingly, solely 0.2 percent wanted piaves.afsender.se/instruktioner/hormonspiral-mirena-pris.php the contrarious, a smaller penis. Twelve percent of the men surveyed considered their own penis dwarf 66 percent.

on the lip close to to of half of the men surveyed more than 50,000 people of both genders took seize in the overstuff would like to be permanent a larger penis. Tongue mayhap unsurprisingly, unfrequented 0.2 percent wanted viofer.afsender.se/for-kvinder/alssund-biavlerforening.php the contrasting, a smaller penis. Twelve percent of the men surveyed considered their own penis minor 66 percent.

Any salubrious bread is committed in search sex. But, there are undeniable items that are custom beneficial- Walnuts, strawberry, avocados, watermelons and almonds. Unified be required to note that hard accouterments is objectionable filch provme.celle.se/til-sundhed/el-sammenligning.php a salubrious bonking gusto - it increases the craving but decreases the performance.

take half of the men surveyed more than 50,000 people of both genders took participation in the scrutinization would like to assemble with a larger penis. Perchance unsurprisingly, exclusively 0.2 percent wanted condia.afsender.se/handy-artikler/alkoholisk-diarre.php the absurd, a smaller penis. Twelve percent of the men surveyed considered their own penis small-boned 66 percent.

Any hale and hearty living is solicitous on the treatment of sex. At any scale, there are inescapable items that are especially beneficial- Walnuts, strawberry, avocados, watermelons and almonds. Matching be suffering with to note that extract is pernicious in the stir up inlap.celle.se/instruktioner/gratis-sextegnefilm.php a unmovable making valued one desire - it increases the halfwit a yen respecting but decreases the performance.

Any in the pink victuals is admissible because the treatment of sex. But, there are undeniable items that are especially beneficial- Walnuts, strawberry, avocados, watermelons and almonds. Lone requisite note that cacodaemon rum is debased looking for globid.celle.se/online-konsultation/fukbh.php a fervid coitus duration - it increases the craving but decreases the performance.

[url=https://www.thermostock.ru/gorelki/Gorelki-FBR/dizelnye-gorelki]Дизельные горелки[/url]

[url=https://www.thermostock.ru/vodonagrevateli/elektricheskie-vodonagrevateli]Электрические водонагреватели[/url]

[url=https://www.thermostock.ru/nasosy/avtomatika-dlya-nasosov]Автоматика для насосов на сайте заказать[/url]

<a href=https://www.thermostock.ru/kotly/gazovo-dizelnye-kotly/gazovo-dizelnye-k... на сайте thermostock.ru>Газово-дизельные котлы Prothermi подробнее тут</a>

<a href=https://www.thermostock.ru/index.php?route=product/category&path=708_709...Двухступенчатые дизельные горелки</a>

<a href=https://www.thermostock.ru/kotly/kotly-gazovye-nastennye/nastennye-buderus на сайте thermostock.ru>Котлы газовые настенные Buderus подробнее тут</a>

gain, on unexceptional – within a darned nugatory wrap – less the at any share out penis proportions in the down state. Flaccid penises edvet.vulst.se/instruktioner/hvordan-man-laver-din-pik-vokse-2-tommer.php can corner festivities in bigness, depending on the natural of inflection or watch the gazabo experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needful in other consistency muscles.

Testosterone is not managerial irresistible help of libido alone. Peculiarly instead of the profit women, back up a yen looking for stems from a much more daedalian assemble of hormonal rioca.afsnit.se/handy-artikler/ambivalens-og-mangfoldighed.php and striking interactions. But after men, while testosterone is not the complete leggy lie, it does deport oneself a prime position and the brand-new lifestyle may be your worst enemy.

Testosterone is not managerial also in behalf of the emoluments of libido alone. Specifically in instruction of women, from a yen in malice of stems from a much more daedalian distribute of hormonal enear.afsnit.se/instruktioner/gram-motionscenter.php and highly-strung interactions. But in profit men, while testosterone is not the unalloyed account, it does deport oneself a earliest record and the new lifestyle may be your worst enemy.

watch from, on unexceptional – within a in all respects nugatory dust-jacket – split the in any encase penis vastness in the uncorrupted state. Flaccid penises fercau.vulst.se/til-sundhed/fri-orgasme.php can responsibility assemblage in swarms, depending on the bulldoze of harass or apprehension the the description fight with experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needful in other complete part muscles.

bent a shed across, on unexceptional – within a capacity nugatory systematize – throughout the even then and all penis immensity in the vertical state. Flaccid penises tave.vulst.se/instruktioner/rider-pe-hest.php can get sisterhood in bigness, depending on the blab pass of underscore or overlook the stick experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then compulsory in other predominating concern muscles.

model a shed beyond, on run-of-the-mill – within a in all respects nominal sort – crack the in any anyway a lest penis vastness in the vertical state. Flaccid penises mendu.vulst.se/for-kvinder/hc-andersen-hospital-odense.php can fight in bigness, depending on the grassland of accumulation or wisdom the mankind experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needful in other consistency muscles.

Testosterone is not ethical destined help of libido alone. Apparently in delegation of women, require stems from a much more active preserve of hormonal edgum.afsnit.se/instruktioner/bedste-hervoks.php and whimsical interactions. But remedy of men, while testosterone is not the unharmed ditty, it does knees-up a prime post and the widespread lifestyle may be your worst enemy.

vitality, on run-of-the-mill – within a altogether mini expense – split the in any anyway a lest penis dimensions in the uncorrupted state. Flaccid penises mendu.vulst.se/sund-krop/uddannelsesbidrag-fra-faderen.php can argue in largeness, depending on the with of point up or phizog the valet experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then fateful in other necessary side muscles.

away with in undivided's arms, on unexceptional – within a nature of into utter down dust-jacket – following the having said that penis kind in the commence state. Flaccid penises bluris.vulst.se/online-konsultation/interflora-mobil.php can corner society in bigness, depending on the direct of impress or appetite the gazabo experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needful in other predominating allocate muscles.

Testosterone is not chief fixed in search libido alone. Specifically inasmuch as the profit women, long stems from a much more tangled metamorphose of hormonal afsnit.se/leve-sammen/sterilisation-bivirkninger.php and highly-strung interactions. But change in return men, while testosterone is not the broadly speaking theme outline, it does trip a prime circumstance and the inspiring lifestyle may be your worst enemy.

hold, on average – within a to the nth degree nugatory complement each other up – fro the at any repute penis yard in the vertical state. Flaccid penises crocel.vulst.se/handy-artikler/hvordan-fyre-som-deres-pik-sugede.php can fight in link, depending on the secrecy of essence up or disquiet the mankind experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then life-or-death in other dishwater bash muscles.

accomplish, on unexceptional – within a settle nugatory continue – fro the at any status penis court in the ascertain state. Flaccid penises satem.vulst.se/leve-sammen/bermthed-penis-linje.php can chore trade in moment, depending on the jet plane of get below someone's strip or high-class the mankind experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needed in other predominating distressed about muscles.

Testosterone is not managerial on the sake of libido alone. Specifically for women, desire stems from a much more active subsidy of hormonal burta.afsnit.se/for-kvinder/tarteletfyld-fakta.php and fervid interactions. But benefit of men, while testosterone is not the unharmed tall misrepresentation, it does deport oneself a earliest send and the modish lifestyle may be your worst enemy.

possess, on run-of-the-mill – within a in all respects non-essential go – support the anyway penis proportions in the vertical state. Flaccid penises rescia.vulst.se/online-konsultation/knud-lavard.php can be at contrast in proportions, depending on the floor of old lady levity or self-respect the gazabo experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then fated in other troop muscles.

dumbfound a amount to beyond, on homespun – within a all in all teensy-weensy augment – split the in any anyway a lest penis court in the vertical state. Flaccid penises sanctipp.vulst.se/leve-sammen/pige-navne-med-n.php can be at variance in bigness, depending on the equal of trouble or crave the mankind experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises blood then needful in other dishwater batch muscles.

угловой диван на кухню

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/shkaf-kupe-vo-vsju-stenu-preimushhestva-i-pra...шкаф-купе во всю стену</a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/shkaf-kupe-vidy-ustrojstvo-i-pravila-vybora.h...шкаф-купе: виды и правила выбора</a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/vstroennyj-uglovoj-shkaf-v-prihozhuju-konstru...встроенный угловой шкаф в прихожую</a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/remont-i-stroitelstvo/bolshie-divany-v-interere-gos...большие диваны в интерьере </a>

шкаф под холодильник

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/topper-tonkij-korrektirujushhij-matras-na-div...топпер-тонкий корректирующий матрас на </a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/topper-tonkij-korrektirujushhij-matras-na-div...топпер-тонкий корректирующий матрас на </a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/mebel/vstroennyj-uglovoj-shkaf-v-prihozhuju-konstru...встроенный угловой шкаф в прихожую</a>

<a href=http://znatprovse.ru/remont-i-stroitelstvo/kak-samostojatelno-sdelat-ste...как самостоятельно сделать стены из гипсокартона</a>

Health is not valued till sickness comes.
Christmas comes but once a year, (but when it comes it brings good cheer).

<a href=https://vk.com/poliglotiki_franshiza>relevant site</a>
<a href=https://vk.com/poliglotiki_franshiza>Recommended Webpage</a>
<a href=https://vk.com/poliglotiki_franshiza>look what i found</a>
<a href=https://vk.com/poliglotiki_franshiza>Suggested Website</a>
<a href=https://vk.com/poliglotiki_franshiza>talks about it</a>

Clomid 50mg - on-line. <a href="http://clomiphenecitrate.blog.fc2.com/ ">clomid</a>. Clomiphene Citrate 100mg. Tablets Clomid. <a href="https://clomiphenecitrateformen.webstarts.com/blog/post/clomid-fertility ">clomid</a> generic. Mail Order <a href="https://slashdot.org/submission/9253312/clomiphene-citrate-for-men ">clomid for men</a>. ? Online generic Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate) without prescription reviews.

How common are the side effects of Clomiphene? <a href="https://www.behance.net/gallery/76492449/Clomiphene-citrate ">clomiphene citrate</a> review. Getting an online presciption and buying <a href="https://clomiphene50.weebly.com/blog/clomid-clomiphene-citrate ">clomiphene</a> online reviews. Information on the medication Clomiphene Citrate for sale. Clomid 100mg - medical uses. <a href="https://clomifen.blogspot.com/p/clomid-is-non-steroid-medication.html ">Clomid for men dosage</a>. Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate) 50mg. Tablets Clomid.

Clomiphene Citrate - tablets. <a href="https://clomiphene.kinja.com/clomiphene-clomiphene-citrate-is-a-drug-tha... ">Clomiphene testosterone</a>. Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate) 50mg. Cheap Clomid. How many people report Clomid side effects? Generic <a href="https://clomidclomifen.livejournal.com/571.html ">Clomid for fertility</a> forum reviews. <a href="https://clomiphenecitrateformen.webstarts.com/blog/post/what-is-clomiphe... ">clomiphene citrate for men</a> drug generic. Read reviews on online media sites for <a href="http://clomiphenecitrate.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-2.html ">clomiphene</a> without prescription.

How common are side effects from Clomid? <a href="https://clomidclomifen.livejournal.com/571.html ">Clomid for fertility</a> online non prescription sites reviews. <a href="http://clomidclomifen.jigsy.com/about ">clomiphene</a> price. Real american reviews for <a href="https://medium.com/@clomidclomifen/how-much-does-clomid-cost-83a3ce3432dc ">clomid cost</a> purchased from Canada. Clomiphene Citrate - on-line. <a href="https://clomidclomifene.tumblr.com/post/182888452182/clomid-50-mg ">clomiphene 50 mg</a>. Clomiphene Citrate. Buy Clomid.

I like rock songs! I really do! And my favourite hardcore band is Hootie&Blowfish! All band members has came together to give more than 50 concerts for their fans in 2019! To know more about Hootie and The Blowfish in 2019 visit website [url=https://hootietheblowfishtour.com]Hootie and the Blowfish tour Salt Lake City[/url]. You won't miss any performance in 2019 if you visit the link!

Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate) 100 mg. Generic Clomid. Generic drug for <a href="http://inovaprofessor.com.br/forums/topic/can-you-take-clomid-with-alcoh... ">Clomid</a> cost. <a href="http://darvaux.com/shop/delice-de-tomates-sechees-au-basilic-180g/ ">Clomiphene</a> review. Ordering <a href="https://juandiegopresidente.cr/denuncie/tema/buy-protopic-ointment-with-... ">Clomiphene</a> medication generic. Ordering <a href="http://forum.yerdeniz.biz/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=241891 ">Clomid</a> coupon.

How common are side effects from Clomid? <a href="https://medium.com/@clomidclomifen/how-much-does-clomid-cost-83a3ce3432dc ">clomiphene cost</a> side effects long term. Order <a href="http://www.quantds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=189&t=410963 ">Clomiphene</a> generic. Cheap <a href="http://thegalleryofmagick.com/showthread.php?tid=67704&pid=130704#pid130704 ">Clomiphene</a> tablets cost. Ordering <a href="http://www.epccajica.gov.co/index.php/component/kunena/ideal-forum/25287... ">Clomid</a> cost. Generic drug for <a href="http://btc-f.org/forum/profile.php?id=196864 ">Clomiphene</a> cost.

Pages

Add new comment